Musings

Notes: A Mishneh Torah for Modern Living

Notes is an attempt to organize a bunch of ideas into a single cohesive framework.

It was inspired by the Mishneh Torah, an ancient Jewish scholars attempt to codify Jewish law.

I wish I had known many things growing up - these are some of those things.

It was originally addressed to my brother - and I envision him as the audience when I write.

It has 10 sections - the 10 domains of modern living.

1. Setup: Setting up your environment for success.
2. Wellness: What it takes to live a good life.
3. Movement: How to develop a valuable movement practice.
4. Nutrition: Preparing food that nourishes.
5. Business: What building a business looks like.
6. Art: How to connect with the artistic spirit.
7. Dev: Best practices in software development.
8. Engineering: Ideas related to engineering.
9. Health: All things health.
10. History: Highlights and lessons from history.

These notes are CTA (call to action) based - pointing theory toward application.

Please enjoy. ## Side of Being: Engineering And Art

It's really all engineering and art.

A balance of creation and expression.

Productivity and communication.

Everything else is a distraction.

Equinimity is dancing between each side of the coin.

Surfing along the ridges of its dualistic boundary.

Swimming in its water and tasting its refreshing bounty.

Decoring time and space with sound and movement.

Beautifying the human condition with creativity and innovation.

It's all really art and engineering.

A Blog: Why Not

This is my second time writing this post.

The first one got deleted - so here we go again.

I started this cause one day I woke up and it felt that I had done nothing in life - like zero.

That I had gone to school and received perfect grades but REALLY produced NOTHING of value for the world.

Arguably the most value I have offered society was when I served beer at a music festival and when I volunteered for a while at a soup kitchen.

Aside from that - I find myself working in the private lairs of corporations making their systems better - removed from the world.

I've always admired creator with 500+ podcasts who can say - "Yeah I created this - and people kind of enjoy some of the things that I write".

In my clearer moments I believe that in addition to the noble pursuit of a healthy family - I have more to offer the world somehow.

So here it goes.

I want to wake up and look at this little corner of the internet where I've shared some things that I think might be interesting and say to myself "that's cool - you did something today".

Simple as that.

Wish me luck!!

The Future Of Education: Peer to Peer Learning

We've been through many educational revolutions.

Radio. Video. Computers. MOOCS. And now AI.

They all promise to make education better - to help people learn.

And yet they seem to be all hype.

What's missing?

Peer to peer learning.

We learn best when studying and being help accountable and motivated by our peers.

Let's take a book out of the chavruta syle from ancient jewish communities and try that for a change.

Let's move back to in person sitting across from each other and going through the material style of learning.

Let the best partners rise to the topic.

Let the socratic method and process of debate and pride work in real time to enhance learning outcomes.

Allow the teacher to act like a higher order personal trainer who keeps the peer to peer nodes on track.

We are social beings.

Let's not forget that when we attemp to navigate the question of education.

The Green Bubble: Group Chat Exclusion

Americans hate the Green Bubble.

Anyone who can afford to trasend its reach - buy themselves an iPhone.

Only 1 pct of the wealthy buck this trend.

Fuck apple.

They can't design a closed system and expect the customizers to follow the herd.

Let the bold travel the green bubble.

Let the free download WhatsApp.

OTD: Orientation Toward Divinity

OTD.

Conventionally means off the derech.

Perhaps a suggestion of deiance in the face of struggle.

A weakness of the soul and spirit.

The seduced soft curve of a womens hips.

The warm rich flavour of a cheese burger.

That's not right.

I want to rebrand the word.

OTD now means orientation toward divinity.

It's a deep difficult journal - a call to action.

It's saying that the drecech is ungodly.

In its proper manifestation (perhaps after the inevitable new age athiest phases) if a reorientation toward God in a more authentic sense.

God is an energy - he dwells in the soul.

He's hard to articulate.

But where he lives - and where he does not.

The journey isn't always easy.

It's lonely in a fundemental way.

But that's alright.

Cause orienting toward the divine ain't always easy.

6 Year Old Asians: Doing Things For Their Own Sake

One day I was sitting by the piano practicing a rather easy piece - when I thought about that asian piano prodegy.

We all know that kid - the one that can barley talk and can already play Betoven without issue.

And I relaxed a little bit.

Laughed a littel bit.

I'm never gonna beat the 6 year old asian.

So I'm not going to try.

Modern Curator: The Next Frontier

We live in a world of abundance.

Our lanuage models gods can answer all of our questions - show us anything we want to see. In a moment.

We have all the information we could ever want.

And that is a problem.

The next frontier of value is curation.

It's taste.

It's authenticity.

It's following a gut intuition that certain nodes of data organized in a specific manner paint something beautiful.

And it's having the courage perhaps to share that thing with the world.

Welcome to the modern curator/creator.

Perpetual Frustration: A Love Affair

I get bored easily.

I always have.

I get bored of people or activities.

I want to enjoy hiking but there's nothing for my mind to play.

I like frustration.

You could say it's an addiction.

I like doing things that are mildly frustrating - at that sweet intersection of difficult and executable.

That's where I want to be.

Perpetually.

Self Taught: Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants

People say that they’re self taught.

But what does that even mean.

Seems like they just learned from a non-traditional source.

Seems like they watched some videos and practiced on their own.

It sounds haughty almost – like they invented computer science one day and built an app.

I don’t like the phrase.

We’re all taught by SOMEBODY.
p We might innovate but fundamentally we were taught.

Let’s not forget that we stand on the shoulder giants - our teachers.

Death: Life's Deadline

Its strange to consider death as a deadline for a lifelong project.

Of course there are checkpoints along the way on your assignement.

New years and birhtdays.

Graduations and promotions.

Projects and practices.

But life is long.

And a good life isn't fully due until the heart stops beating.

Anon: Fear or Freedom

There is a tradeoff between branding and freedom.

Branding holds you accountable.

Your name and reputation are linked to your work.

You must consider your audience and your relationship with the world.

Freedom, on the other hand, offers a true an authentic expression of the self.

You can say anything you want cause no one knows that it's you.

I started my blog with the intention of privacy.

That my friends and colleagues couldn't find me with a google search.

That my writing would be private to me and a selected few.

But I now wonder - is my anon that decision an expression of freedom or a fear of sharing?

Habits: The Myth Of Consitency

They say a habit is formed after 90 days.

That somehow magically it all gets easier.

That the groove emerges and it's chill after that.

Well - that has not been my expereince.

I'm 120 days into some practices and the first 5 minutes - SUCKS!!

Then I fall off the wagon again.

Some old voice whispers something about taking a break and I listen.

And the cycle starts over again.

Perhaps the game of life would be boring without the roller coaster drama.

Nothing New: Running Out Of Things To Say

I've already run out of things to say and I just started.

And that's alright.

I'll just wait until words emerge in my brain and I find myself compelled to jot them down somewhere.

I'll just create until I grow tired and have to move my body.

I'll keep going until I find a voice worth sharing.

I'll do my best to dance between the silience madness and voice.

Back To The Basement: On Becoming A Hermit

I like to run thought experiments.

To imagine a world different than our own in some fundamental way - where it's difference reveals something powerful about the nature of reality.

This time I ran the experiment in production.

What would happen to my perspective and routine if I barely left the basement?

If I sheltered myself from ouriad influence and input.

Who would I become.

What would emerge.

Who am I on a rock.

Learning: Lifetime Studenting

I wish it were more acceptable to inhabit the lifetime learner.

Where people were always learning something new.

A new approach to writing, drawing, reading, creating, and thinking.

Where the learning and coursework didn't stop when you throw you hat up at gratudation.

If we spent a couple of hour learning online - how much more rich would life be?

How much more felt and interesting?

Learning does not stop when we reach 120 credits.

It stops when worms eat at our flesh (or maybe a bit earlier).

Youtube: Far Too Much Fluff

I like Youtube.

For a while I was a Youtube addict.

But recently I discovered that that Youtube is largely a tease.

I go to Youtube to laugh - but also to learn.

And when I click on a video about education that lasts an hour I expect to learn something.

Yet an hour later I can summarize my takeaways in a sentance.

This pattern repeats itself often.

Long winded videos promising knowledge transfer but in the name of "managing cognative load" or "presentation value" they offer 99% fluff and 1% insight.

Maybe I'll try to compete with that at some point.

Gratitude: A Prayer

Gratitude feels stupid without God.

I've tried the gratitude lists.

"Today I'm grateful for my family and the food..."

It always felt flat - disconnected somehow.

When you say things they have to be directed.

They have to be apart of a larger cohesive spiritual framework.

Otherwise they sound insincere and symbolic.

What feels more real - grace said together with a family or a new age go around the table and express your gratitude.

Perhaps another component that separates felt gratitude from its corrupted counterpart involves privacy.

My deepest thanks and prayer often occurs in the chambers of my mind - personal and authentic.

I know they're real cause they're for me - and no one else.

I'm also trying to bring back "Thank God".

It might sound strange but that's how I want to answer the question "How are you?".

I'll try it out and let ya'll know.

News: A Stoic Failure

The news.

A pipeline of worry uncertainty and frustration.

Incomplete stories keep you coming back for more.

A modern addiction disguised as "keeping informed".

Well - what if we just stopped.

What if we stopped thinking about the news as a short term reactionary passive "scream at the TV" experience.

Maybe we stop thinking about the news like a high stakes soap opera.

It's time to get more stoic about the experience.

What can we really control?

We can learn.

And we can vote.

If it doesn't fall into one of those buckets it might not be worth our time.

Maybe the primary objective of the news is to teach us things - like short mini essays in history inspired by current events.

Maybe the headline is simply "Tarifs: A Short History".

The essay presents the mechanicsm and incentives and different positions on the matter. Then briefly mentions that at the time of publishing we're seeing this debate play out.

On the voting issue, maybe we build an active voting mechanism into the informed consumptoin of news.

For instance, perhaps after reading the article about tarifs you might be presented with a proposal where you can vote "Yes" or "No".

The idea here is both as a forcing mechanism to make a decision based on your learning and to communicate to the policitcal decision makes how you feel about the issue.

Just a sketch of an idea.

Would be interesting to build out.

Engineering To Artistry: A Process

At the age of 5, it was decieded.

Ariel will not be an artist.

Unable to draw.

Better at numbers.

It's better anyways - there's no money in the arts.

Well, I refuse this narrative.

Although the universe hasn't made it easy - I refuse to be a consumer.

I refuse to admire and watch.

I want to play the game.

The mushrooms have taught me that's its a game worth playing.

And the adventure of life confirms that God requires music, dance, drawing, and prose.

It hasn't been easy.

My default talent lies in mental models of computation and logic.

But that's not where the soul lies - it affords balance but not a felt connection.

I cannot taste and appreciate unless I get my hands dirty.

Unless I fail over and over - and I'm told it's a waste of my time.

Unless I doubt.

So put me in coach.

COVID and L5: A Return to Intuition

COVID was tough.

It was perhaps the first time I understood deeply that there were no adults in the room.

That experts are people with biases and weakness.

People with egos and flaws.

In a world of confusion - I began to return to intuition.

To trust myself again - propoganda be damned.

To check in and ask myself how I feel.

Maybe most important to ask myself - what does it mean to feel healhy - letting my body guide a process of intuitive health.

Then I went through a similiar process after herniating my L5.

The doctors told me not to move not to lift.

I suffered 8 weeks of agony following external wisdom.

Then I said fuck this.

I listened to my body - to my intuition.

I moved slowly and flirted with my pain.

I danced in pain.

I was patient and kind but also stubborn and hard core.

I healed.

COVID and L5 are my teachers.

Listen to you heart son and you'll be alright.

The Good Life: A Book For My Son

I want to write a book for my future son.

I want him to have a guide in this world.

A document that spells out a simple way to live in this world.

To empower him to explore and create.

He will likely not appreciate the effort involved - but that's fine.

May he be born with wings never knowing what it feels like to crawl.

Then he can find aventrue and challenge on the shoulder of giants.

Vacations: A Hype

What's my hot take?

I don't get vacations.

I don't really like em.

I find myself sitting on a beach, some tropical paradise - bored out of my mind.

I used to fight that reaction - force myself to smile and dnace - that somehow my lack of happiness a reflection on my ability to be grateful.

Fuck that.

I wasn't tuning into the universe.

I didn't listen to my desire - to be learning something to be in the blissful place of creation and challenge - to grow.

So I packed my bags and went back home.

To the basement.

To regroup.

And find some creative direction.

Self Help: You Are Not A Badass

I was in the cafe the other day.

Saw a girl reading a self help book "You are a badass".

Nice title - the girl seemed to be enjoying the read.

But it got me reflecting.

Self help is largely a distraction.

It allows people to feel like a badass, to feel moral and thoughtful and kind and cool and sexy, without putting in the work.

It keeps you in the blissful stage of dreams and hope - before the painful action takes place.

You're not a badass until you deserve the title.

Stop reading about success.

Get out there and create.

Frustration: A Stoic Call To Action

Frustration is often a signal of control but a lack of action.

It signals to the mind that you might in fact be able to do something.

That you bear responsability.

It signals a stoic call to action.

Otherwise why would you feel frustrated.

Perhaps this represents a reverse engineering of the stoic principle:

If you feel bad about something (meaning you probably have control over it) - do something about it. Otherwise - let it be.

Libraries: An Overlooked Oaysis

I love libraries.

The soft quiet.

The smell of books.

Surrounded by the loudness of knowledge and pursuit and the soft whispers of shuffling feet.

It's a wonderful oaysis.

A true third space.

Perhaps the last true third space.

A community center for those who love knowledge and focus.

Don't sleep on the library.

Lost Arts: Experiencing Humanity

We cannot separate the act of creation from the human condition.

Even in a world where the robots write better, sing better, and code better - we create.

We create even if its worse - even if it takes twice as long.

And its worse.

Because it's human.

Because it changes us and let's us grow.

Because somewhere it forms connection and identity - it bonds us to our ancestors and our selves.

The experience of learning to play a piece of music is spiritual and beautiful.

Perhaps percisely as a function of its struggle and adversity - its DRAMA.

We create like God creates or maybe God creates like we do.

Its messy and dramatic - and we like it that way.

Time Tracking: One Pie At A Time

There are 16 hours in a day.

Do you know where the time goes?

Most people don't.

They just kind of float through space time.

Then 10 years later they wonder where the time has gone.

I want to offer a challenge.

Try to track your time for 7 days.

Download Simple Time Tracker on Android.

Setup your categories.

And track.

The results might amaze you.

And they might inspire you.

Good luck!!

Porn: Engineered Abundance

We live in a world of engineered abundance.

The wolf of glutteny in the sheeps cloak of liberation.

We live in a world of porn.

Porn as in "junk inputs".

Junk inputs that mimic the real deal - but their ease corrupts the seeking mechnism of the mind.

Porn is everywhere.

Digital porn - mimics the connection of friends.

TV porn - mimics the vastness of a great book.

Youtube porn - mimics the realness of understanding.

Food porn - pretends to give you nutrition.

Etc.

Luckly we know real from fake, junk from nourishing.

We just gotta stop, slow down, breathe, and ask ourselves "does this really make me feel happy?"

Meditation: A Silent Trip

I used to TRY to meditate.

Like it was some chore to do.

To be healthy I needed to check it off my checklist.

But then my attribute has shifted.

The meditation that I now practice is not as traditional.

It's a bit more irreverent.

At the end of the day when I'm a bit burnt out and tired - I just sit there.

I sit there and I watch my mind.

It preforms for me.

It takes me places and shows me things.

It reminds - it dances and gets dramatic.

I sit there in bliss - tripping on silence.

Then when the trip winds down - I get a new notification.

Integration time - get out there and do something.

Dumbphones: Smart Dumb Design

People are super into returning to the era of dumbphones.

They want their phones to stop baggering them with updates.

People just want all the noise to stop.

The past romantisized under a warm glow of "in my day it was better" beckons for change.

Well - I don't think you should to invest in a Lightphone to make that happen.

First, in todays modern world you need things like maps.

Good luck getting through traffic with a proper dumbphone or a kindle cosplaying as one.

Second, the modern smartphone can be designed to behave like a phone.

Simply, put it in grayscale, remove all apps that you don't want to be on, only allow phone calls.

And whoila - a dumbphone.

Good luck getting distracted.

Auto Correct: Wearing Rose Colored Glasses

You spelled the word wrong but you don't even notice.

Auto correct knows what you're trying to say.

It corrects your mistakes before you've had a chance to realize them.

It cleans your prose - erases any slight imperfection.

I want to install autocorrect for my mind.

Think rose colored classes for the soul.

To clean up the ugly interpretations of each moment.

To see people in the most charitable of lights.

Each blemish auto corrected to its most wonderful of perpsectives.

Messes: Beauty in Drama

Dishes in the sink.

An unmade bed.

A pile of trash.

Plastic scattered across the dirt.

Reality.

Freedom to destroy and redeem.

Textured.

Alive.

Documentaries: Problem Solution CTA

I've spent far too much time trying to discover creative approaches to making a short film.

I've played with lighting and scripts and story boarding.

I had to ask myself - what do I even want to create?

And more importantly why?

Well, I am frustrated with Youtube - I find that I often seduced by distraction and fancy editing tricks designed to biohack my attention system.

I aspire to create content that's engaging but also informative in a real way.

I want to inspire peoples appreciation for solving problems.

I want to tackle how problems are identified, broken down, and then solved in our world.

And then I want to challenge the viewer to take action.

I don't fully understand what the spec of this project looks like quite yet.

But it'll be an interesting ride.

The Personal Portfolio: A Lost Art In A Symbolic World

I have attended school for 23 years.

But my portfolio is empty.

I have submitted dozens of projects and assignments but none of them worthy of attention.

Each pursuit optimized to illicit an A in the game of school - not life.

I have decieded to change my approach.

I want to collect wins and add them to my shelf.

Real wins.

That I can be proud of.

That someone can watch and witness.

Let's get it done.

Utopia: This Might Be It

Imagine a word.

Where I can contact people in real time across the globe.

Where I can order anything to my door within hours.

Where a magical energy powers machines that do incredible things.

Where pur machines can write and song and draw and advise better than humans.

Where we can hop on a box of metal and drive and fly.

Where people are free.

The rule of law is protected.

Is this utopia?

Would our forefathers think so?

Maybe the promised land is here.

The Future Of Education: Peer to Peer Learning

I have a bit of a Udemy obsession.

Over the past few years, I have bought over 20 courses.

There's a high to buying a Udemy course - hope, adventure, dreams.

But the truth is - without a clear deliverable a Udemy course will fade.

I would like to think that I'm smarter now.

Before I start a course I have a clear objective.

I outline my deliverables - a checklist of execution.

Then I check of each box - saving my work in my wiki along the way.

As a result, my learning becomes real.

Or at least that's my hope.

Reviews: Moral Capatalism

I hate writing reviews.

But at the same time I won't buy a proct without them.

I have benifitted much from the kindness of others but have not given much back.

I want that to change.

I have added a tall task for myself to review the items that I buy.

Especially the items that I love and hate.

It's time to play a role in the vital honestly that allows liberated capatalism to thrive.

Wish me luck!!

Mornings: Prioritizing Personal Adventure

For a long time, I prioritized my work first thing in the morning.

The morning - when I am most fresh and capable - most primed and ready.

I wanted to eat the frog right out of the gate.

I now think that was a mistake.

Instead, I prefer to focus on my personal projects right when I wake up.

My peak performance reserved for the most important task of my day - my adventure.

When my GPU slows, I then move on to other tasks delegated by the working demands of society.

But the first couple of hours are quiet focused and MINE.

Productive Distraction: A Loophole

When you rid your timeline of real waste, procrastination takes a less sinister form.

Instead of pulling you towards dull needle in the arm diatraction, she pulls you towards productive delays.

Don't want to work.

Here's a song you'd like to play.

Don't want to study.

Here an idea you might want to write about.

Although the distraction is useful, its relative excitement compared to the main work task is enough to satisfy the urge to delay.

It's a Loophole - a parental pivot.

Capatalism: There Has To Be A Better Way

The seed of innovation is often found in a furrow of frustration.

In that feeling of "there has to be a better way".

The innovation of the masses is found in that energy.

Not in the technical innovation in the details of complex research.

But in the discovered frustration and lack.

And the ability to stich together existing pieces into a cohesive problem solving framework.

We are all tailors weaving together tapestries of inspiration.

The Holocaust: A mensch That Can Fight

Somehow we've already forgotten.

Despite the promises we made to our parents not to forget.

We choose to imagine that history cannot repeat itself.

We should know better.

The Jewish condition is never stable in a world of evil.

The Jews must understand their condition.

Wear their shared tramau - as a lesson in strength.

Perhaps the Zionist spirit perhaps best represents this energy.

The American Jew must embody this - men women and children - a kiddush hashem in a dark world.

Be a mensch who can fight.

Passions: A Long Term Investment

A passions ROI is realized over decades.

It describes a long term project.

An adventure to be pursued into old age.

It defines your way of being in this world.

A passion play enters a domain of infinite wisdom and depth.

Music, film, writing, moving.

A place to become lost whithin.

A palace of possibility.

A magical product of patience and perseverence.

Juggling: An Checklist Triage

We can only juggle so many balls at the same time.

Only so many projects in the same day.

We have to choose.

We have to triage.

We have to create a game plan - a checklist of priorities to follow.

Balancing importance along time and interest.

Again, less is more.

Ain't Got No - Satisfaction: Inspiration

The satisfied are moved to create.

They are not haunted by ideas or vision.

They don't toss and turn worried about the grounding of their dreams in reality.

They simply sleep and go about their day.

The war song of a person of the creator is found in his dissatisfaction.

In the wanting and craving.

Inspiration with persperation.

Reading: Progress or Procrastination

I like reading.

It's wonderfully quiet and peaceful.

But at times I read the wrong things and I overdo it.

I abuse the gift that is the written word.

I overindulge.

Instead of a wonderful entertaining vacation it distracts.

It says "Well I'm better than watching TV this is a good use of your time".

Too much can leave you feeling empty.

Everything in moderation.

Podcasts: Musings In Voice

I'm attempting something new here.

I started with aproaches with video and that felt immature somehow.

Like I didn't respect my audience enough to have them read something.

It felt childish somehow.

That I was trying to hold attention with graphics instead of content.

This is not a battle to win an audience but to express uniquely somehow.

Even if at times there is simply nothing of substance to put forward.

This is similar to idea for short form podcast app - a tik tok for podcasts.

Where instead of 90 minute podcasts - a couple of people share interesting ideas as short clips of audio.

The app would be minimalist and respect the listener enough to give them space to think.

Perhaps there's an interesting blending of short posts and podcasts posts to play aroudn with here.

It's almost like someone walking you through an article that they find super interesting - maybe that's really all there is to it.

Leaving A Mark: Legacy

There are moments - haunted late at night.

Memories of friends - 7 years ago pursuing medicine and law.

Their sacrifice paying off.

Their vision returning dividends.

Where has the time gone?

I shiver.

What is my mission here?

Is it data and numbers?

Or am I my brother's keeper somehow?

Simple Kind Of Man: A Blessing

I often try too hard.

Struggle needlessly - going nowhere fast.

I try to achieve something meaningful.

To write an honorable autobiography.

And yet I am missing the point.

Perhaps the point is to live a simple life.

To have a wondefull family who loves you.

To work hard and laugh harder.

To connect to nature and to God.

To enjoy this world in all of its beautfy.

To smile in a way that brings the world closer towards peace, love, play, and adventure.

Everything else doesn't matter.

Be a simple kind of man.

Anger: Depression's Useful Brother

The space between anger and depression.

Between the fight and flee/freeze response.

Is a matter of perspective.

It might simply allowing yourself the space to rage.

To get pissed off.

To loose a bit of control.

To let go into the momentum of "Fuck You".

Maybe that anger takes you somewhere.

And maybe it doesn't.

Or maybe it ends in "I don't even give a Fuck".

Either way - Fucks are allocated.

Certified human: LLM Free

I read an article this afternoon that I really enjoyed.

It described a divide between words pre and post LLM.

It suggested that pre LLM words mattered because they were human.

Connected and meaningful.

An expression of the human conditition.

Now - words even if beautiful often feel like the prediction of a machine learning model.

Cool but flat.

I wonder if in the future - there will be written works that are "Certified Human".

Where we have a human being write in a certified word processor that excliticely does NOT use AI.

I wonder if the arts will emerge as an expression of adventure and humane fraility and spirit.

Clearly distinct from an end product made by machines.

Perhaps the question is - what moves you and why?

Self-Love: Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants

I have a bad memory.

Days fly by.

People pass like whisps of smoke.

Like a stream that passes me by as I wait by its shore.

I wander the forest in a haze.

I forget how far I've come.

Where I was even 2 years ago.

Somehow I think I haven't moved.

That I was a better person a decade ago.

I dismiss the sweat and tears of my past selves.

Ariel at 12.

Ariel at 14.

Ariel at 18.

Ariel at 20.

Ariel at 22.

Ariel at 23.

I stand on the shoulders of giants.

Weekend Blues: Nothing To Do

"By the sweat of your brow shall you get bread to eat" (Genesis 1:19).

Weekends and I have a strange relationship.

I look forward to the break.

To the siliencing of emails and work tasks.

But when I'm there - I'm often pretty bummed.

I start the day with plans.

But they quickly erode.

Leaving me with nothing to do.

Year 26: Returning To The Divine

So I'm 26 now.

The gematria of YHWH.

"יהוה = אהבה + אחד" - the uniting of peace (unity) and love.

Double the age of Bar Mitzvah.

A man of the world.

A man clothed in peace and love.

Embolded by divine inspiration.

Every year I cry on my birthday.

I reflect on the previous year.

I mourn the promises I made to myself from the previous year.

I mourn wandering the Midbar.

I mourn the feelings of isolation.

This year I too will cry.

But my tears will be oriented not towards myself - but towards God.

I will ask for forgivenes.

I will admit fault.

I will assume responsability.

I will do teshuvah like on Yom Kippur.

I will put on my tallis and taffiling and daven.

Simply ask hakadosh baruch hu for help.

Ask for divine mercy and love.

And with it - I feel that spirit of God return.

A connection across time.

A rooting towards something spiritual.

Something ancient and grounded.

A deep sense of peoplehood.

A commitment and duty.

Shema Yisrael Adonai Elokainu Adonai Echud.

Heimish Mesorati: Yiddishkiet For The New Jew

What principles might underpin a modern but grounded approach to Yiddishkiet?

What do you want to do?

What makes you feel connected to God?

Well, I don't need to invent this one - I can simply borrow.

"The world stands on three things — Torah, Avoda, and Gemilut Chasadim". (Avot 1:2)

Torah.

Being deeply engaged in the myth and moral underpinnings of Tenach and Chazal from a place of joy and respect.

• Tenach: Focus on story (myth) and law.
• Mefarshim: Understanding the Rabbinic perspective.
• Mussar: Spiritual work of refining one’s traits — patience, humility, gratitude, truthfulness

Avoda.

Deeping your relationship with God daily and seasonal practices:

• Tefillah: Shema, Tallis, Teffilin, Teffilat Haderech, Niggunim
• Berachot: Beracha Rishonah, Beracha Achronah
• Shabbat: Kabalat Shabbat, Kiddush, Seudahs, No work
• Tzniut: Niddah, Shmiras Anayim
• Chagim: Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Succot, Pesach, Shavuot
• Fasting: Tishah Beav
• Misc: Brit Millah, Kedushin/Nesuin, Kevurah

Gemilut Chasadmim.

• Chesed: Making the world a better place (Tikkun Olam).
• Keheliah: Being a part of a community.

All of this rooted in Yiddishkiet.

(Think good life = cornerstones + foundations + pillars.)

Perhaps a good label is "heimish mesorati" (or "shorashi").

Bringing together the "heimish" warmth, sincerity, and authenticity from yeshivish yiddishkiet.

And the "mesorati" traditional, accepting, and value driven energy from the traditional Zionists.

Behatlacha!!

Teshuvah: Back To Bubby

Yeah I'm not the first person to try to rework Yiddishkiet.

But perhaps - the fact that so many people have tried - means there's something there.

I left Yiddishkiet given its Gayvah - it's haughty posture.

Its energy divorced from God and Man.

The Yiddishkiet of the Charadi felt empty and disconnected.

For many years I searched.

For what - I'm not sure.

I traversed the independence of the secular velt.

I explored the psychonautic realms of the hippies.

I played with different philosphies from ancient men.

I tried to do life without Yiddishkiet.

Perhaps it's safe to say - that seperation hasn't been good to my soul.

I still feel like a stranger in a strange land.

My language stunted somehow.

My expression and character curtailed.

I have been away for about a Shemitah now.

I have planted seeds and sowed crops.

I felt around in the dark.

But the CTA "and you shall be Dovek Beeshto" forces me to reflect.

What life do I want to build?

Who do I want to build life with?

Who are the people of my community beyond family?

What conversations do I want to be having?

Now the question is - OK but what does Yiddishkiet now mean to you?

What are you going to do and stop doing?

What have you learned in the Shmetia - the seven years of re-creation?

Well, Aleph - that you have to be rooted in four spiritual cornerstones.

Peace of the stoics.

Love of the buddists.

Play of the hippies.

And adventure of the romantics.

And Beit - that the container and language of Yiddishkiet is constructive.

Perhpas it involves a sincire appretiation for Yiddishkiet.

Its langauge, law, and ritual.

It doesn't follow the foreign paths of reform or conservative.

It retains its orthodox, chazal-oriented identity.

The learning and langauge and sefarim are Charadi.

But the cornerstones remind us to stay true to the spirit of the gift that God gives us.

It's a gift.

I don't believe in the infallability of Rabbis.

Or that God wrote the Torah.

But I do believe that the Torah is special - inspired by divine spirit.

A gift to the Jewish people.

Global cornerstones with particularist foundations.

I believe there are wonderful traditions and social energies present in Yiddishkiet.

I will not forsake those in pursuit of a flat secularism.

I will not forsake the Jewish cycle in its entirety for an absolute sense of rugged individualism.

I will find myself connected to God and Man through the lens of my Alter Buddies and Zaydes.

Where that takes me I don't know - how I do this I don't know.

But in writing this and fleshing it out - I feel more connected to the past, present, and future.

More confident in the Kli that I was gifted.

Closer to God - somehow less distant and afraid.

More empowered.

And more hopeful that I will not waste this gift.

Cushion: Conditioned Cornerstones

I need to tune my Algo.

Its deviated from optimal.

Its parameters no longer aligned with peak wellbeing.

It must be recentered like the rebooting of a wii remote before every turn in mario cart causes you to crash.

The meditation cushion is the seat of God.

Arguebly the most kadosh thing that I own - it is a portal.

Through good times and bad it raises my spine straight and does its best to calm my mind body and soul.

When my mind is a rough sea she gently reminds me to mouth the words of intention.

To put forward a secular prayer.

A few words of manifestation.

Because the cusion knows.

Being is simply an expression of articulated will.

The language of God.

Hangover: Echoes Of Historical Slippage

Sin is less of a stain on the present.

And more of a tarnish on the future.

A sinister mistake who cries echo across spacetime.

Life does not return immediate feedback.

Often consequences of the flow are delayed.

Stretched and squished across the timeline.

To haunt or reward you in unexpected ways.

Inertia dribbled like specks of paint on a canvas.

Like strands of colorful string texture varied composition distict connecting points of time to one another.

Don't forget that when you speak - things echo.

Hinge: Watershed Swipes

Dating apps exert the greatest influence on the future of the world.

With a single tweak of an algorithm - the destiny of millions are rearranged.

Likes and swipes - the marketplace to parnership.

The gateway to romance and children - a strange portal of gimicki photos and pickup lines disguised as authentic static expressions - stale alleged snapshots of personality.

We play with the keys to sexual selection - slot machines of destiny.

Spinning the wheel.

Each connection equally meaningless and most meaningful.

Until the timeline splits into forgotten faces and material matriarchs.

All things pass through the dating algo.

Wishing us all luck!!

Israel: Revealing Woke Rot

I always suspected that the woke were krum.

I had a feeling that there was something insincere and akward about their posture.

Some inhereted immaturity from a odd blending of academic words.

But the work's views on Israel revelaed just how rotten their energy was.

The same tradition distorting "playing with fire" philosophy that gave rise to gender dsmorphia and LGBTQ indulgence now gave way to anti semetic cries.

Like the Nazis the posture of the wokes on this issue is one of moral superiority.

"You're a heartless Zionist - you don't care about bombing babies."

"Israel deserved October 7th."

At first I attempted to deliver a favorable interpretation of their concerns.

Yes there were real moral issues to content with.

The balance between security and liberty etc.

But slowly the wokes revealed their hand.

Their views revealed a dishonest and poisonous energy.

A dismisal of the holocaust.

A dismisal of the Israeli condition.

A lack of respect for the people on the ground.

A toddlers tanturum lashing out agaist God.

Fuck that.

In my adventures away from God I wouldn't dare betray his people.

Only a profoundly Godless group were dare such treason.

And somehow I woke up.

My voice returned.

I know with whom my loyalties lie.

The Young Man's Mission: A Short Story

The young man knew there was a mission before him.

Echos of past adventures and nights of laughter and friendship served as vague reminders.

Pangs of frenzied restless energy pierced his composure like sharp needles begrudgingly sliding through thick fabric.

He would have to sacerfice - to leave the comfort of his lair, the safe space of solitude and contemplation.

To enter the big bad world again.

This was not the first time the young man needed to start again.

He was no stranger to new adventures.

He had landed - a stranger in a strange land - many times before.

Where the question "why am I really here" was as ambiguis as the respones "why not?"

But the strange tickle of the clock, a mix of demons and angles prancing the cages of his psyche, told him it was time.

Perhaps the budding of spring, of life and of sun, reminded the young man that this existence too needed to emerge from the winter - to bloom once more.

The young man searched his memory.

He wondered if he could have done more in recent months.

But such memories only served to vex - to suggest a different world and a different character within it.

They were the ramblings of a mad man writing a fictional autobiography.

The young man needed to find a partner and some friends for the ride - that much was clear to him.

He needed to do this within the context of previous corruptions of malware.

He needed to embody a charchter of contraditctions and paradox - a bold synthesis of the things he had learned.

He reminded himself not to be afraid.

That all things pointed to a character within that was strong and resilient.

The young man dreamed of his mission.

He saw busy working cafes full of engaging characters.

He pictured lunches with new people.

He saw workouts with young men also pave their path forward.

He saw characters weaving into and out of existence who spoke his language and understood his story.

He understood that there would be struggle.

That past pain points of insecurity would rise.

But the young man was largely ready to meet those challenges.

At least he hoped.

Season 26: The Shidduch Tour

This next period, season 26, will be unofficially titled the shidduch tour.

It will include a bold exploration of target cities.

I will explore each city for 60 days and discover all of the things that I can.

I'll start with New York and Miami.

Let's fucking do this thing!!

Dating Questions

It's funny how little guidence I feel that I have in this space for the most part.

We seems so intentional about small milestones like college and drafting the perfect email for a boring project.

But arguably the most significat decision gets little attention.

"Follow your heart".

Well no.

How about this:

1. Don't get involved psychically until you know you mesh spiritually. Without this, your ability to think clearly will be compromised.
2. Ask the real questions early: How many kids do you want? What are you political views? What are your religious views? How do you view the role of a romantic partnership etc.

Dating is like a series of job interviews with a bit of extra spice perhaps.

Thank Yous

Inspired by the introduction to Meditations by Marcus.

Thank you God for keeping me going through hard times. There are so many moments where the darkness was thick enough to block out the sun and somehow you kept my feet moving. Thank you for the strength and that feeling of connection that somehow I held through times of deep isolation from the world. Even when I turned my back on you you were there for me. You cautioned love and optimism and hope in moments of despair. In the good times you put me in state of ecstacy that brought tears and elation - a feeling deeply humbling feeling of awe in front of majestic joy. You saved my life again and again and again - bringing me back from a more literal sense of death. You gave me brains and a healthy body and a wonderful family. Thank you.

Thank you Mom for bringing me into this world. Your joyful spirit keeps me light and goofy. Your kindness and selfishlessness remind me to show others love even when I'm not in the mood. Your patience and grace are unbeatable. Thank you for always being there for me rain or shine. Thank you for all of the thousands of wonderful means that you prepared that nourished my soul.

Thank you Dad for being my father. Your courage and resilience in the face of uncertaintly is remarkable. You kept me grounded during many tough times. You bring a spirit of play and spiritual exploration that keeps me honest. Thank you for working hard to ensure that I had financial stability. Thank you for always being there for me.

Manual: How To Care For Your Pet Ariel

Inspired by how to care for you pet rock (and love on the specturm) - some guidelines.

Do not:

• Disturb him in the mornings.
• Be on your phone around him.
• Make his sit for long meals.
• Suprise him.
• Talk about politics with him.
• Talk about work outside of work hours.
• Play music in the background.
• Make him take long drives.
• Be late for things.
• Complain about life around him.
• Make him go for long walks.
• Make him hang out with large crowds of people.
• Take him to loud bars.
• Ask him to smoke/get high/drink.
• Ask him to go shopping.
• Speak loudly around him.
• Assume he's going to clean up after you.
• Monologue for long periods of time.
• Make him sit through pointless meetings.
• Talk about restuarants shopping or people he knows nothing about.
• Hate on the projects that bring him joy.
• Make him go out to restaurants.
• Pretend that you know things you don't.
• Use crass language.
• Talk about people in a mean way.
• Make him eat expensive or unhealthy food.
• Rant against free markets.
• Be a libtard.
• Repeat yourself over and over again.
• Bring too much ego.

Do:

• Give him morning hugs.
• Be chill goofy with him.
• Respect the random sounds he makes.
• Have really chill interesting conversation with him.
• Just hang out in his space.
• Ask him what's on his mind and soul.
• Watch funny TV with him.
• Say thank you for the work that he does.
• Ask him interesting questions.
• Feed him yummy food.
• Read books alongside him.
• Dance with him.
• Engage with him musically.
• Work out with him.
• Make politically incorrect jokes.
• Talk about your love for Israel.

Emergency protocal:

• Feed him
• Water him
• Hug him
• Give him a good book
• Watch a funny movie

Note: Pet Ariel is a rare and highly sensitive creature. Treat with chill energy, pay attention, and he'll be just fine.

Sense Think Request Action

"When you do A, I feel B - do you mind doing C - if not that's cool I'll just do D".

This framework simply invites Reuven to share with Shimon the indisputeable facts on the groud - it doesn't attack or get frustrated - it simply says "I'm sensing thinking and acting".

It's human process engineering (from ML) applied to relationships - "When I sense A, I think B, so I'm going to ask C - and if not act D (both C and D are actions in HPE)" with a guiding stoic princple.

For example:

• "When I see you put on you music, I feel dizzy and get a headache (and feel neglected) - do you mind turning it off - if not that's cool I'm just gonna bow out." (This might prompt "Oh I'm sorry Reuven - I'm happy to turn down the music or it might not".)
• "When I'm talkig to you and your you phone, I feel disconnected - do you mind getting off the phone - if not that's cool I'm just gonna bow out."

It's a powerful framiing of context because (a) it's focused (doesn't invovle or refer to previous examples - it focuses on the present - this ensure that both "machines" can parse the event with limited context - all lanuage models preform better with limited context), (b) it's objective (you're not suggesting that someone has a given set of intentions or debating the facts on the ground - both parties both sense the same set of events and everyone is in agreement), (c) it offers a calm suggestion (instead of assuming the person doesn't give a shit), and (d) it takes ownership (the speaker is not suggesting that the other person is wrong or needs to change their actions but simply noting a cause effect, issues a request, and then suggesting that it's cool if the request is not fufilled as they're simply going to bow out).

Note that the energy here needs to be clear, clam, and as loving as possible (with minimal frustration) - an authentic stoic vibe.

Importantly, the action D should move towards empowered peace and space - it should not feel like punishment or escaping (a repurposing of a libtard "bowing out" with "it's cool" invited a more relaxed vibe - and perhaps reminds Reuven to embody stoic principles)

This approach removes the emotional mess and blame and simply offers an observation in the moment.

There are two possible objections to the shared sentiment.

First, that Reuven's feeling are not falsely linked to the "cause" or they are in fact quite unreasonable. For instance, to say "When you speak in my space, I feel unloved - do you mind shutting up - if not I'm going to my room" feels problematic. It might suggest that Reuven is drawing a false vector of causation between the specified "cause" and "effect" - it's perhpas more likely that Reuven notices two things: Shimon speaking and a feeling of being unloved arise in awareness - so he assumes that Shimon's speaking caused his feeling of unlovedness (a new word) - while in fact a third variable not sensed in the moment like a previous conversation where Reuvens boss said he was a "retarded goose" (instead of the usual silly goose title he prefers) was the cause of his feeling of unlovedness. Or perhaps the feeling simply arose in awareness a hopelessly distant echo of an event from the past that's beyond investigation (read "it's that time of the month).

Second, that Reuven's description of cause and effect is valid but the action taken is not. For instance, to say "When you and your friends yell at night and wake me up, I feel uncared for and sad, - do you mind being quiet - if you're no quiet so I'm going to burn down the house and call you names" feels like the wrong way to layer the cake. That reaction doesn't take ownership - it's reckless, reactive, and punative.

I'm going to attempt to test this with people in my life - wish me luck :)

(I pasted this in GPT and asked for feedback and ironically the chat encouareged me to "be human" in this frameworks delivery lol it also suggested that might be an extension of a framework called NVC but with a nice stoic "self-action" twist.)

My Story: An Act Of Recreation

"“We are the story we tell ourselves.” — Naval Ravikant

This is my second draft at this introduction.

At exploring what it means to record the events in ones life and why.

This is separate from my other writing.

This is personal.

A means to explore the story I'm telling myself about my past.

To draw lessons and insights from distant memories.

To allow those stories to remind me of what's important.

To learn from the past in a deep way.

To have the past give gifts to the future.

What happens when we explore old stories with a spiritual lens?

Memory: An Act Of Coauthoring

“Memory is not what we remember, but what we tell ourselves we remember.” — Joyce Carol Oates

According to my parents I was born on 1999 after 30 hours of hard labor, blue eyed and bushy tailed ready to take on the world.

My mother tells me that I spent my early weeks trying to adjust to the rhythm of life under supoptimal sleeping conditions.

My father tells me that I like to watch Toy Story on repeat.

My mother tells me that I loved to heap globs of cream cheese to the dismay of the old men at the cafe.

My mother telling me that I used to hit my sister.

My father tells me that I watched the construction trucks with endless fascination.

My parents tell me that I would hug garbage bins whenever I got the chance (I suspect that it had something to do with cool large trucks and the magic of throwing away our trash into cool containers). My parents love to joke about their time spent laughing in the airport as I recklessly roamed in search for a lonely garbage bin to hug.

I don't remember any of this. None.

This is a set of stories inhereted in the oral tradition about as mysterious as ancient myth.

I listen to such stories with incredible fascination - trying to draw continuity between this told version of myself and the ego I am at present.

The "memories" of old vidoes now lost to time (thanks mom and dad) and photos add another layed of externally projected identity.

There are vidoes of me playing - playing with large eggs ("eggies"), playing puppets with my dad, playing doctor with my sister Ashira, playing with my friend in the ally as she weaved imaginative stories, and playing with my dad when he got back from work.

The photos tell me a story of a child that went on hikes, wore cute jean overalls, and always look to be pondering something.

I only have one memory of my own

I remember watching the older boy next door go off to camp and feel impressed with how independent he was and thinking that I was going to miss him.

Overall, this time in my life represents a mysterious origon story of a distant character and perhaps inspires a sense of appreciation for my parent's dedication in rising a child that would only hold good vibes but not memory moving into the future.

To me, it represents the quiet act of coauthoring — how, in daily life, we shape not only our own stories but also the stories others carry about themselves, all through the simple, powerful tool of language and story telling.

The Candy Man: Making Shul Sweet

"How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” (Psalm 119:103)

San Diego was awesome. Sunny beautiful and warm.

It featured pool side hangs, bottle rockets in the street, and super fast scooter rides.

But there were few thins as exciting as the candy man on Shabbat.

This mysterious old man would always be there waiting for me by his Bimah - ready to hand out smooth delicious milk chocolates with a knowing smile.

I don't remember his name - in my mind he lives on as "The Candy Man".

He created a space of magic - something out of a Willy Wonka film - unifying the spiritual demension of Shul with the sweetness that only kids can truly appreciate.

He bridged the gap between the wisdom of age and experience and the sugar of youth.

To this day, I suspect that my appreciation for spirituality is grouneded in his small hershy chocolates.

Thank you Candy Man for you wonderful smile and your delicoius sweets.

Playing Music Out Loud: Stoic Virtue

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." - Jon Kabat-Zinn

My family is wonderful - and I've enjoyed almost every moment of the 5 month 2025 period at home.

But every once in a while I get frustrated.

It usually has more to do with my mood in the moment and less to do with specific action.

But nonetheless I get pretty pretty intense.

Some might say I get a bit triggered.

Somebody repeating their story again, playing music in the middle of the house, or recording me with their iphone will illicit a rise in anger that should only be reserved for people who are truly evil.

In the moment I feel like throwing a tantrum.

Even reflecting on the feel tone reminds of a bad trip.

My mistake is often the same - I wrongly assume that someone elses behavior is under my conrol when it simply is not.

I assume that if I talk with charifkiet something will change.

But that's a bit silly it turns out.

Even if I feel numb and chill - my words are sharp and hurtful.

I sense the sea shift and find myself flung onto the sea.

It's all a bit dramatic.

I have since made an effort not to change other people - but not in a stoic angry way but in a "that's cool" kind of way.

I can't change other people and that's alright.

Joining The Snake Dance: Being Apart Of The Community

"Do not be Poresh from the Tzibur" - Chazal

In our shul growing up, we did the snake dance.

An ancient ritual dance to welcome shabbat, the snake dance represented a chasidisha minhag.

I often wanted to bow out but my dad reminded me no to be "poresh min hatzibur" - separate from the congregation.

And so I joined the dance.

Akward foot placement and slightly off beat.

People's hands rested too lightly or too heavily on one another.

And yet it was an expression of being part of something larger as funky as that entity might have been.

The Boy With The Popsicle: Yelling At God

I met a young boy this afternoon visiting my grandparents.

He ran up to introduced himself.

Curious eyes and the sweetness that only a second grader can possess.

He asked me my name and shook my hand.

My grandmother offered him an ice pop - which he eagerly recieved.

A swirl of colors that widened the young boys eyes.

I later found out that the boys mother was riding a bike, got hit by a car, and passed away.

A tragedy the boy is now being raised by his grandfather.

In a moment of exstesential departure I found myself growing in anger towards God.

How dare he take away this young boys mother - how dare he?!?

An old ehco of theocratic rebellion rippeled in my soul.

And I re-realized the Jewish relationship with the divine.

One of tragedy anger reconciliation faith and doubt.

And although I'm still angry - I find myself seeking to reintroduce God as the gift of love

In a conveluted response to the question of evil - perhaps God is an ironic answer.

Procreation Prereqs: Gifting Life

I often feel like we're asking the wrong questions when having the conversation about having kids.

Some frame it as a conversation about overpopulation.

Or a spiritual mission to reproduce.

But I find that most people ignore the positon of their future kids.

The question is: are you producing kids because you believe you can bring a child a joyful existence overall?

The mission of procreation therefore has prereqs.

The act of sexual gratitification will feel indulgent and short sighted otherwise.

Before bringing kids into this world ensure that:

• You are living a really wonderful existence just you and your partner.
• You are super financially stable.
• You have a cogent game plan for your kids (allowing them to creatively deviate from a vision).
• You can afford to give them a good life.

Good luck!!

Dream Jobs: Having One Life

I want to be someone that makes things more efficient.

Cleaner and less chaotic.

To apply my mind in a way that helps the human condition in some way.

To apply my disregard for authority (which at times gets me into trouble) to applying new solutions and methods.

I want to explore and create and connect in that experience.

To work on real problems.

I dream to teach perhaps above all else.

I dream help people see the brilliance of the world through hands on design and building.

I dream to explore interesting stories.

I dream to create markeplaces/systems to empower people to puruse.

I suppose then that my dream job is teacher and creator.

But this feels entirely distant at times.

I hope one day I'll find a space that I believe in.

Where the mornings are an act of serive that feels aligned with my Kochot.

Frum 2.0: A Modern Man's Approach To Frumkiet

I find myself in a unique position of spiritual and perhaps communal longing.

A year ago I woudld have dismissed my current approach as insane.

The suggestion that I would be shomer mtizvot that I would begin to differentiate a container for shmira would have been absurd.

But here I am.

And to be honest in this moment it feels good.

Shmira is perhaps the key word.

A gaurding against the creep of hedonism and rotten values masqurading as freedom.

A set of gaurdrails against the onslaught of corrupted morals, above all else.

This new version places peace and love above all else.

The origin story of a global deeply human story to be a mencth.

It then introduces a layer of particularist experiment - a set of axioms and recomendations to enhance ones relationship with God.

There are three pillars of shemira: shabbat, kashrut, and negiah.

Then there are perhps three pillars of existence: teffilah, torah, and chesed.

It's really that simple.

A prayer to draw inspiratin from yiddishkiet but not drown in its fraught waters.

To feel closer to brotherhood and klal yisrael without problematic sacerfice.

To be a mensch in the 21st century.

Flying to NYC: Here We Go Again

I haven't written here in a while.

A somewhat neglected extension of my mind and problem solving.

I find myself wavering between extreme optimism and despair.

A place where memory and ones sense of time play tricks.

Where people and stories and places and feeling move within water trying to find level.

I feel stronger now.

Somehow strong than before.

But at the same time worried and uncertain.

Will I have enough energy, enough love, enough light to walk this new road?

Will I meet peoeple who will show me kindness and interest?

Will I meet a cute girl who will lift my spirits and make the world shine

What will I learn about myself and the world?

Who will I meet along the way?

What will my day look like in 6 months?

Where will I be living?

How will I be living?

Will I find myself more or less attached to Yiddishkiet to the Jewish people?

What business opputuninities might beckon?

Will the saddness and gladdness deep in my soul mellow or sharpen?

Who will I be this time around in the Big City?

Am I nieve or arrogent in my thinking?

How can I move forward in a world surrounded by friends but little family?

What will I care about?

How can I care about people enough to motivate my efforts?

How can I be a true mensch?

What story will I find myself telling other people?

When I tell a story will I have the courage to look people in the eyes or will my gaze wonder as I attempt to find mental footing?

Will I find my heart full of play and dance?

Will the funk leave me long enough to rise and celebrate life?

Will I find a group of wonderful people to spend time with?

Can I be a leader who brings people together boldly and unapoligetically?

Can I write a story that I am proud to tell my brothers?

Can I bring home the girl for Joe?

Can I throw the parties for David?

Can I find the Beis Medresh for dad?

Can I find the community for mom?

Can I find good guys for Ashira?

Can I befriend everyone for Miriam?

Are my habits real or just pretend?

Is my spiritual foundation a weak facade that crumbles or a cornerstone to stand upon?

I don't know the answers but some day I'll find out.

Wish me luck!!!

Golden Handcuffs: Motivation Sink

I have enjoyed my golden handcuffs.

There's something peaceful about the feeling of owning your day.

A laptop, AC, a chair, and wifi - that's all you need.

But the lack of human contact throughout the day is beggining to take its toll.

The peaceful quiet at some point becomes a suffucating deadness that hangs in the air.

My numerous small pracitces and projects help but they alone cannot ease the void.

I'm deeply grateful for this existence and without it I suspect I'd be more "lost".

But at the same time I wonder about my longevity in this job and I wonder who I'd be in a different role.

Would things be more organized and clear?

Would the mission be more clearly defined?

Would I want to getup in the morning to do my job?

How about if the rest of my life was more robust?

Is my disatisfaction and occasional dread a symptom of a larger life not being well enough lived?

I'm not sure.

New To A City: Hachnasat Orchim

I don't really know the extent of hopsitality.

How much should we push to include people?

What does that really feel like?

What if we don't have territory of our own that we can trust?

I am in a place of transition to a new social scene.

There is room for people to be warm and inclusive.

Say "hey it's so nice to meet you, why don't we grab coffee sometime?".

I'd like to believe that I would be act with grace.

That someone who is Maatim could find themselves included in my space.

That if I were established someone I'd invite someone along for the ride.

But at the same time it's difficult.

It's hard to integrate a new person into a pre-existing dynamic.

It's hard to allow someone to break in especially without existing in roads.

It's hard to be the person who includes without judgement.

It's hard to transend the shallow shmuz for something more.

It's hard to want to sometimes.

But I suppose I'm noticing that hospitality is perhaps something that's modeled independent of condition.

It doesn't matter that I've been in the city for 5 days and you've been here for 3 years.

What matters it the spirit of the exchange.

I want everyone I meet to feel at home in my auroa - to feel at ease - a guest in my home.

My home may not be Kuvah but everyone is invited.

And I pray that energy only grows as I find myself more stable and with more love in my life.

Digital Nomad Numbness: A Cry For Companionship

I have a wonderful problem.

I have too much time on my hands.

I have hours and hours in a day.

And I spend them well.

I wake up and work on some music, and draw, and learn, and pray, and read, and workout.

But that leaves me feeling empty and alone often.

Detached from the world on my own path.

I have tried cafes but I can't really get work done there.

I move between tables to mimic progress.

I change laptop and postures.

Keyboards and chairs.

But the symoblic change doesn't register as real.

Half way through the day assuming peak performance, my body begins to cry out for company.

Another soul in the void.

Someone to look up at and smile towards.

To witness existence alongside you.

To hold space for you as life moves along its own stream of existence.

I want company.

Someone to lime alongside as the day moves from shadows to light and back to shadows.

I have wanted nothing more my entire existence.

Perhaps that's the truest expression of my love poems.

To hear a heart beat in my space.

To watch subtle life pulse beneath the skin.

My emptyness persuades that I find a new job - something that matters more - like a psychlogist or a doctor.

Where you encounter people every day.

Where you live life alongside others.

But in those fleeting musings I find the bars of a prison - thick rusted metalic chains designed to keep people in line.

This realization is important.

I understand the interest of space and time but I want nothing else but someone along for the ride.

Thanks for listening.

OTD Social Orthodox Experiment: Calibrated Distance

I am attempting something interesting.

To be apart of an orthodox container without obligation and intensity.

To participate in shabbat and the community but not allow it to consume me and erase all of the progress that I've made.

I don't want them to blemish God.

In fact, I refuse to let them do so.

But I do want to be part of some world - I have known for a long time what it feels like to totally drift among the stars without tether.

I don't want that either.

THe calibration of distance here is tricky and requires careful measurements.

Too close and you get bured - too far away and you freeze to death alone.

We want to achieve a perfect tan - that's the secret.

I know that this involves getting close to something ugly and mean but at this point I'll willing to experiment within this container.

To see if there exists room to grow and connect.

At the very least I must remind myself that I've made more keshurim in the past month than in chicago over 2 years.

Keshurim of course always feel a bit uneasy to be honest but that's the nature of the beast.

Overall, I want to continue to explore this dynamic to understand what it feels like across its multiple dimensions.

And of course I cannot forget the mission statement here above all else - I'm here to find an eshet chayil

A girl that is really shayich that gets the energy and the mission and wants to build something wonderful together.

The experiment must go on.

Where Else To Wonder: The Big Apple

If I must wander somewhere it must be here.

If only to play the dating game in a real way.

Somehow I find myself tired between the moments - often bored and uninspired.

A part of me simple wants to retutn to my bed and my room and leave all the other things behind.

I suppose that I have opions but I'm worried that I'm reluctant somehow that I have words but little conviction.

That this will represent a repeat of other failed expermeints.

Of course that's what tyring is for I suppose.

Either way I'll meet some good Jewish people and go on some interesting dates.

A Dating Profile: Who Am I

It's a funny excersise - attempting to articulate a snapshot of who "you" are in time.

I'm just like everyone else.

But also I'm totally different.

I like doing my hobbies almost like everyone else.

But also I'm separate along important dimensions.

I attempted to articulate this with a simple list of likes.

I like this and I like that.

Perhaps the sum of who we are is laregly composed of what we are drawn to.

Even from a core middot standpoint - some people prefer acting like a mensch and some people prefer to act like assholes.

But more importanttly, I suspect that the expression of such likes represent who we are in time.

So my dating profile might say something like:

Ariels spends his time:

- journaling
- reading
- working: business process engineering
- training: weights, cardio
- hanging out: with chill warm goofy adventurous characters
- writing: stories, verse, musings
- exploring
- playing music: keys 
- dancing 
- meditating
- watching good tv/movies

Ariel likes: 

- peaceful mornings
- discovering and creating
- being goofy
- authentically sharing and supporting
- keeping things positive and grounded
- laughing

Show Me Your Day: Another Silly Attempt

I've written a million of these but here goes...

26 | Traditional/Spiritual | Software Engineer

“Show me your day, and I will show you your destiny.”

7 AM – My mornings start with journaling and planning. Staying off my phone helps me stay grounded and intentional. Meditation sets the tone for the day. I grew up Yeshivish; while I no longer follow halacha strictly, I still feel deeply connected to spirituality.

8 AM – I head to a coworking space or a café. The commute is my time to check in with myself — no music or podcasts, just quiet reflection. At work, I’m a business systems engineer at a financial firm, streamlining workflows and improving efficiency. I’m also pursuing a Master’s in CS, specializing in AI.

2 PM – I take a break for a late lunch with friends or colleagues to reset and step away from the code. After that, I fit in a mindfulness session and a strength or endurance workout at the gym.

4 PM – This is my creative and learning window. I read, play music, sketch (still a work in progress), study Torah (currently revisiting the Tenach), write, or dance — whatever calls to me that day.

7 PM – Evenings are for connection and balance. I often cook/grab dinner with friends, keeping meals healthy and focused on whole foods. Nights are spent hanging out, playing games, watching movies, or just laughing together. I’m a big fan of silly sitcoms like Seinfeld and generally prefer a cozy night in over going out drinking.

What Are You Up To: A Snapshot of Momentum

People love to ask "what's up".

Not really sure what the proper answer really is to that question.

Feels like they're asking - what are you up to in life? as in what are the things that you're excited about that you've just finished or are excited to pursue?

Well, perhaps the answer can be framed as "I just read books A, B, and C, and now I'm reading book D and maybe book E" but extended across different dimensions of interest.

Someone that "sliding window" to borrow from algos feels like the appropriate "where am I in time" orientation to the otherwise chaotic stream of passing time.

The OTD Club: Trief Cholent

Perhaps the world needs an OTD club.

Where people who have a grasp on the mesorah can gather and connect to Yiddishkiet without chiyuvim.

Where the cholent is treif - where spirit replaces halacha.

Where you can be a talmid chacham and a soul that is open to listening to what God wants from them.

Perhaps I'll start something groovy that can capture that neshama floating around untethered.

Often forced to attend silly Jewish events in an endless mission impossible quest to rediscover home.

Perhaps we need to build it.

Saying I Love You: Magic Words

The worlds "I love you" have always been charged.

For me they represent something that should be reserved for commitment.

It's like saying I care about you so much that I will fun through the burning forest to shield you from the flames.

It MEANS something - those magic words.

Those words anchor me to family in a way that other pieces of language do not.

They imply that when all else fails I will have a warm bed and good food and people who will remind me that everything will be OK.

But those words also communicate something spiritual that I wish to feel for everyone.

They suggest a loving-kindess energy of wishing other beings happiness and abundance.

In that sense - I love everyone - or at least I should hope to.

In the end, saying I love you is likely best reserved for people you are committing to love through good times and bad.

But the feeling of love "I feel love for you" is infinately expansive.

Early Nights: A Mission Statement

Perhaps I'm done trying to be cool - to be the kind of person who drinks and goes to bed late to blaring music.

Maybe I'm just "lame".

I don't curse. I don't smoke. I don't have casual sex.

Perhaps I am frum somehow.

I swear that my future does not look like pounding music and late night bars.

I have had enough of this sport.

It's never been my thing - I've always prefered the quiet the stable the reliable.

A warm heart and thoughtful conversation.

At times I wonder about my apt in New York and about the entire quest of being an adult in this world and the expectations invovled.

Can I simply just be a chill dude who like to hang out and get to know people?

What's wrong about being cozy in bed and working through some emotions.

Am I weird?

Does it matter?

How do I find the weird people like me?

What about the girl?

Are these investments worth the time?

At times I just miss home and the warmth invovled.

I am a zayde in the body of a young man - hashem yirachem.

In a similiar vain perhaps I don't like the things that I am suppose to like.

I have to remember what it meant to leave religoin and how much it plays a role in my store and in my pschie.

I don't do norms I don't do rabbis (celebreties and expectations) telling me what to do.

I test and I collect data and I deciede a game plan moving forward.

Anyways... that's enough of that.

Early nights - a mission statment. Good night!!

Secular Jewish Private School: WTF

I didn't really know much about reform and pluralistic Jewish educational spaces growing up.

But now I do.

I now know that our zaydies are looking down on such institutions shaking their heads.

I now understand the assimilation problem.

The reformnikim are already goyim in their religious understanding - if not worse given that they have not protection against their ahavat mamon.

Aside from a vague sense of Jewish community and a loyalty to Israel, they don't know a rishon from and acharon, peshat from drash.

Their teachers have failed them.

The charadim are right when they view the other Jews with skepticism - there is one Torah and only one group learning it.

I may not be religious but I refuse that my family not have a yad in the mesorah of yiddishkiet.

The Right Dose Of Sharing: Inner Vs Outer Worlds

I want to share something useful. To publish words on a page that I can share with others.

And yet each time I consider sharing. I find myself asking - how much is too much sharing. Where do I draw the line between the private and public representations in my life.

Is my poetry my own or something that I share with the world? Perhaps I simply want to share Anon and that would make it ok?

What if my name gets linked to this account - have I said things that might hurt others? That might hurt me?

Why do I even want to share? What's the point of sharing? Do I really have anything to say? Does anyone?

What are the project that I really care about? Why do I care about them so deeply? Is this another form of bittul - a distraction from a higher purpose I could be pursuing?

Why do I bother with all of this work? Is it simply noticing that the void is too much to handle and creation is worthy for its own sake?

Regardless, I have my answer.

I will attempt to share as the Markdown Man - my thoughts and feeling public but my name a mystery.

Phone Madness: My Strange Addiction

There is a part of me that is drawn to the optimal setup.

One that consider the sum total ROI of all the tradeoffs and benifits.

My phone has become a symbol of a war towards optimization - leaning neurotic.

I love my droid - I love the control, the expression, that it just gets the job done - simple and pure.

But the world doesn't love simple and pure - it prefers conformity - easy blue bubbles that don't threaten the status quo.

Whispers of integration with macbooks, airdrop, calls on airpods, and other pieces.

Fuck that bullshit.

I want to get away from my phone - I don't mind texting via a web app and I prefer throwing on a headset for phone calls.

So back to Apple we go.

For now I remain a Droider - a rebel without a cause.

Going Sober: Somewhere To Vent

Somehow I'm fed up again.

Fed up that I have to keep playing this game.

That I have to put so much wasted effort into finding sparks.

That I have to drink myself into a state of hazyness to find myself in these spacees.

I hate that I feel sad.

I'm frustrated that I can't project joy onto the world.

That I feel like everything hurts and God is dead.

I hate that I just want to cry.

It could be the lack of sleep - the long night of flirty energy that led nowhere yet again.

I'm just tired - dog tired and I want things to feel better.

I want to go sober in part to ensure that I find myself having real conversations but then why even go out - what's the point?

The trick is to drink water like wine and find the spirit of love there all along.

But I think I really just feel lonely - nothing new there.

It would be great to have someone to do this adventure with that brought me as much joy as my recent friend did.

The game marches forward.

Musing For Its Own Sake: A Story Of Felt Contradictions

I haven't mused in a long while. In part becuase there is nothing to muse about.

It's all been said before. It's all been said better.

Nothing matters all that much.

Everything is obvious and radically ambigous.

All matters are predictable and dubious.

I have nothing to offer yet if the world would listen I could heal her.

I am stronger than most people and I can't bring myself to do anything worth doing.

I am smart and capable and I produce nothing.

I trust God with all my heart and I'm not sure he's really there.

I want to make money to protect the people I love and I want to own nothing and live a simple life.

I love myself and sometimes resent my existence.

I am boring and exciting.

I live in between extremes.

I live in the gray of felt contradictions.

Building In The Light: A Prayer

It's important to me that I can be independent.

That I can live a day of meaning and routine without needing others an feel 80% happy.

But 80% happiness declines over time if it isn't nourished by partnership.

I have spent the past 5 years recovering and learing and I'm ready to step into the light at times and be seen.

I want this year to be a year that I do the things that scare me for the sake that they scare me.

That courage sometimes might feel like stepping into the limelight to see what happens when the going gets tough.

I want to build in the light to shoot my shot before God becuase who know how many days I really have left.

Menchist Judiasm: A Rebrand

I want to start a new tekufah of yiddishkiet.

To borrow all of the things that I've learned over the years and apply it to something loving and kind.

I want to fight against the orthodox monopoly on Judiasm. How is it fair that they are ones wielding the Mesorah and everyone else watches from the sidelines?

How is it fair that the average secular Jew so deprived of anything Jewishly spiritual gets hooked over the most basic of Jewish ideas and ritual?

I want to take back Judiasm on some level.

Not to the era of the intellectuals and the acadamics bickering over semantics and theoretical realtionship.

I want to contend with a Judiasm that is alive and engaged and on fire and gentle and empower and informed and true and active.

I'd love to have my week filled with Chavrutot across a spectrum of learning Torah in the Sefarim and outside.

I want our nation to move away from shul and Tefellah Betzubur as the gathering space and isntead choose a Beit Medresh as the pot that feeds our nation's soul.

Chavrutah at the core. Partnership and love. Active and engaged.

Love of God and man at its core.

Rebranded. Menchism.

A Begger In The Forest: The Catalyst Of Solitude

I beg alone in the forest.

Butt against the cushion. Feet against floor.

A begger waiting to understand that their confinement in the tower is to allow them to see.

That if hew just but open their eyes and gate outwards past the thick window he would see far across the lord's kingdom.

He would see beyond what the average Joe cuddling with his wife and kids might behold.

That his position alone give his vision flight.

Hashem please help me understand that the rock rejected is in fact the cornerstone of your grand plan.

Amen.

The News: Who Cares

I really can't bring myself to care about the news on most days.

Who cares.

People make so much content.

Who cares.

We are often medicated by entertainment.

Who cares.

What could be a tweet is now a headache of animations.

Who cares.

What if we slowed down and simplified things.

What if we realized that there isn't much to say beyond energy bending.

What if.

What if.

Not Givin' Up: Not Today

I want to give up sometimes.

Another lonely Sunday will do that.

Another day of buzz without that feeling of home.

And yet I refuse to give up the ghost.

I refuse to bow to the demons in my mind that whisper at the death of all good things.

What do we say to death?

Not today. Not today.

I have to believe that Hashem will guide my steps.

That I can push effort into the world that's kind and generous and the rest is in God's hand.

Journaling In Public

I normally journal on my own - in private - just me a private markdown file.

In the past it has allowed me to express freely and sometimes it still does.

But I'm noticing a desire for change - to articulate and write in a space where people can see.

Perhaps I am mindful of that when I muse but I suspect that's not entirely a bad thing.

I want to journal in public to hold myself and my story accountable in some strange way.

So that the presense of imagined audience shapes the way I speak about my life.

To move beyond myself in a way.

So what's on my mind today?

Well. This weekend I'm noticing the importance deep interpersonal presense and friendship beyond the noise of a crowd.

I'm also noticing the importance of shared values and lifestyle preferences and how those pieces can share friendships and nights out.

I have love for a lot of people in my life that I fundementally share little in common with in terms of value and lifestyle and that's ok.

Ariel - that's ok.

It's just something to pay attention to.

And when you come across someone who does share those things - pay attention.

But in order to notice that in someone else - you also need to authentically and weirdly and boldly express yourself in spaces.

Cause you never quite know what flames you might kindle if you are willing to share some light.

My Unique Value Prop

One day I woke up and in the world of Claude realized that I no longer really had a unique value prop.

All the work I can do I can do well but is that really me.

Does that specific workflow require me to be the engine?

How is there real distance between me and the Indian developer who has access to similar tools and models?

Do I have an economic moat beyond confidence in my own intellegence etc?

What would my life feel like if I sacerficed to do work that I acutally belived in?